If you’ve ever met someone who sweeps you off your feet with romantic promises and signs of commitment before disappearing, then you’ve likely been a victim of future faking.
I spent a whirlwind couple of weeks being courted by an incredibly charming forty plus dater. It felt, as all-too-often these situations do, as if we’d known each other much longer, thanks to us hitting some key milestones. He introduced me to his friends and family. It felt like a relationship that was going some where until he began ignoring me.
While most of us have, at one time or another, overestimated our interest or capacity to commit, people who habitually over enthuse about the future to get what they want in the present, are future fakers.
It is easy to expect that a forty plus dater who talks about the future and introduces you to their family, friends or co-workers, or talk about their feelings, unless they’re serious about you and that they value sincerity and building genuine trust.
A future faker uses promises, inferences and intensity to simulate intimacy. When you are in the start of this kind of relationship you might feel that you have a deeper connection than you do in reality. This behaviour so soon in a forty plus dating relationship should ring some alarm bells.
When the relationship ends suddenly it is very easy to blame yourself and feel used and stupid. However the lack of integrity and fake promises is the real reason.
Future fakers can feel that the real person that they are is not worth knowing so they end things while the relationship is still on a high and that way they feel important and will be missed.
Sometimes they also feel that the challenge is over as they already have you.
This kind of dating is not just a bit of fun in truth, it damages a person’s ability to trust themselves and others, with some feeling conned and humiliated. However learning from your mistakes can have positive outcomes. It can force a stronger emotional, mental and physical boundary and to be clearer about who you are looking for. Learn to be more discerning and grounded, instead of looking to be swept away while on online dating. Take you time to build a forty plus dating relationship, good things take time to build and mature.
Sarah Hussey xx