Seeking approval is a natural human tendency and single daters are as vulnerable to this feeling just the same as anyone else. To avoid rejection from other singles, we often tempted to tell little white lies. We may agree with others despite having different opinions, constantly apologize for our actions, dole out insincere compliments, or commit to obligations that we have no interest in fulfilling. Even just holding back when we should speak out can be construed as not being true to our feelings and beliefs.
These types of behaviours can limit us in our forty plus life and make our dating experience more stressful than it needs to be. Instead of following our hearts and pursuing our passions, we may end up doing things purely to appease our family members, friends or win the approval of society at large.
Our desire for others’ approval may, at times, feel illogical. Your inability to say no is likely a result of your past relationships, perhaps you come from an emotionally abusive relationship turned you into a conformist people-pleaser. As a forty plus single you have every right to stand up for yourself and if other daters do not appreciate you and your unique and valuable opinions then they are not worth the time and the effort and seeking intelligent singles who do appreciate your opinions is the best option.
Though we can’t change the past, understanding where these feelings of needing to conform and appease come from may make it easier for us to overcome our present approval-seeking behaviours. You are a mature single, responsible for yourself and you no longer need to conform in order to survive. Disagreement, refusal, and rejection, though uncomfortable, are healthy parts of mature forty plus adult life.
Rejection is almost always uncomfortable. It doesn’t, however, need to be a source of pain or shame in your dating life. In order to grow, you’ll need to take risks. Taking risks may lead to rejection or disapproval. If you are ok with yourself and your life-style does the opinion of someone who has an extremely minor part of your day really matter if a first date doesn’t work out, does it really matter? There are plenty of singles who are like-minded and interesting, so if the one you have just met didn’t work out, forget it and move on with someone else.
As a mature forty plus single overcoming rejection can lead to amazing success in your personal life. and can be very liberating and lead to personal growth.
Sarah Hussey xx