We all wish for a great forty plus first date, but what can you do if it all goes wrong? Is it possible to escape a bad date with dignity and without causing too many hurt feelings to another forty plus person who is probably just as nervous as you are ?
We all want the first date to be great; with a real connection and lots of mutually interesting things to bring to the conversation
Maybe not sparks flying from the second your eyes meet and endless, sparkling conversation but at least a mutual like and attraction. That’s the dream, at least.
Unfortunately, dreams don’t always come true. Sometimes two people on a date just won’t connect.
Maybe your sense of humour is more Sarah Millican, and they’re more Jimmy Carr. It could be that you are just not attracted to the other person physically and you know that a relationship is out of the question.
Whatever the reason, you need to bring the date to a close with dignity and kindness. After all the other forty plus dater across the table from you has not done you any harm, they are just not your idea of dating material, so the best way to leave a date that’s gone very wrong is without offending anyone!
Always be prepared, in case the date doesn’t go well. This is not negative, just practical You may have been getting on great in your messages, but you never truly know what will happen when you meet the forty plus dater in person. Build ‘emergency exits’ into your date. You probably won’t need to use them, but know where they are.
Plan to meet for drinks but don’t commit to a dinner ahead of time. If the date does go well, you can always propose extending your forty plus dating plans.
Whether you think you’ll need to use it or not, lay the foundations of your date exit strategy from the outset.
Your date will probably ask, ‘How are you?’ This is the perfect time to respond that you weren’t feeling well earlier but feel a bit better now. Keep details vague and move on. If things do start to go wrong, you can then call on that excuse and blame sickness for needing to cut the night short.
It doesn’t have to be a rogue illness. You could mention how busy your job is and that you’ve had to take some work home to finish.
Being honest is probably the hardest option. However, you shouldn’t be honest to the point of cruelty. A simple ‘I don’t think this is working for me, sorry’ is perfect.
‘I think we’re looking for different things’
Telling the truth allows your forty plus date to know exactly where they stand. They won’t be left trying to decipher an ambiguous excuse and you can leave with dignity.
Whatever way you choose to exit your date, remember that it’s always your choice to leave, whenever you want. Your time is important and so are you!
Sarah Hussey xx