When it comes to forty plus dating, getting to the first date isn’t the hard part anymore, it’s having the first real life conversation with someone. Forget chemistry, what you ask and what you say can inevitably be the deciding factor in whether the relationship will make it to date number two.
Nervous can make us claim up or go the other extreme and behave like a chatter box, neither of which would show a true representation of your normal communication. A good idea is to admit to nerves as the chances are your date is nervous too, so coming out and admitting it can be an excellent icebreaker.
Being honest when you are forty plus dating, whether that is on your dating profile or on a mature date is important and letting your date know how you’re feeling may help take some of the pressure off. Just make sure the conversation is still about getting to know each other. If you don’t give the other person the chance to know more about you, they may not ask you out again.
Conversations should flow back and forth. If you’re not asking the other person questions and are only talking about yourself, you’ll either look disinterested and self-absorbed. Asking questions conveys interest and intelligence. If you’re shy or unsure of what to ask, remember to think about topics ahead of time. Being prepared eases the nervous feelings.
Who doesn’t like talking about their favorite food, hobby, or sports team? Asking your date what some of their favorite things are keeps the conversation light and fun. And, if you both seem to love travel to far distant places, then you may have just found a reason to extend the date.
Be mindful of topics that you feel strongly about. When you have strong beliefs or opinions, it’s easy to get overexcited and even judgmental. Of course, where your forty plus date stands on certain issues is important to a long and healthy forty plus relationship, but wait a few dates before diving into discussions that could leave you hot under the collar.
Always be honest as not being truthful on a first date or your dating profile means you’re starting the relationship with a lie. When you are wanting to create a good impression you could embellish or hide relevant details and say anything to make ourselves appear more likeable or approachable. However, if you continue to date, the truth will eventually come out.
If your senior date does something that makes you feel uncomfortable or subtly puts you down, is rude to the waitress, makes snide comments, there is no reason to put up with it. Dating is about finding a special forty plus companion, not about putting up with abuse or rude company company.
Don’t start asking about the next date too soon. You may be thinking about the next date, but you’re still on date number one, if you worry about what comes after the first date, chances are you’ll be anxious, appear needy, and may try harder to impress the other person.
Modesty is appealing; low self-esteem is not. When it comes to having a good first date conversation, it’s fine to make a few mistakes. First dates are hard and can get awkward at times but if you focus on getting to know the other person you might surprise yourself by how easy the conversation will flow.
Sarah Hussey xx