Have you been in love before? Most forty plus daters will claim to have been in love at least once before.
The feeling of falling in love can be completely intoxicating. You feel full of life and excited and thrilled all at the same time and yet it is very nerve racking at the same time. Falling in love is such an overwhelming experience, we often get confused. Is it real love that we’re feeling or just infatuation? Can this really be true and is it reality or are you making something up that doesn’t really exist. Is it an obsession that will inevitably burn out under the weight of its own intensity?
Are you making a mistake? Past mistakes in previous relationship come to mind and haunt you.
The first few months are always magical, but the moment the excitement started to wear off, you mentally and emotionally start to question the validity of the forty plus relationship. Perhaps if you are looking to make love last and turn into a long term relationship you need to have a different understanding of what being in love really means.
Infatuation is a fickle emotion. One minute you’re completely obsessed with your forty plus date. The next moment you are feeling irritated and annoyed by their behaviour or they fail to live up to your rose tinted perception of them. If it is true love you are able to look past the irritations because you know they are the right person for you.
Are you trying to be the person the object of my affections wants you to be, rather than the real you? When it’s real love, you’ll feel like you can be yourself around your forty plus date, if they do fall in love with you, it’ll be with the real you, not the version they want you to be!
When it’s real love, you’ll be drawn to the inner qualities of the other forty plus person, rather than the external makers of success and you’ll, no doubt, want to become a better version of yourself as a result.
My friends and family are good at seeing my inner emotional state. Our forty plus friends and family can be far more objective and realistic. They’re not emotionally invested in the relationship. They know who and what is most likely to make us happy. While your opinion is ultimately the most important, don’t completely ignore advice from your loved ones as they really do have your best interests at heart when you are forty plus dating.
When you fall in love you won’t be able to stop yourself picturing your future together. It’ll feel exciting and expansive. However if you have doubts you’ll probably stop yourself looking too far into the future because you know, deep down, that your relationship has an expiry date.
Sarah Hussey xx