You have been communicating with a forty plus dater and maybe even had a couple of dates and you feel there is a connection and that you have the starting of a friendship at the very least.
You firmly believe that you are going to see each other again and you are looking forward to learning more about your forty plus dater.
Then suddenly without any apparent warning the communication stops. There is no r reason, that you can establish and you search your memory for something that you said or a strange look or gesture that could provide a clue to this outcome. You’ll never hear from them again and they disappear from your life forever, as quickly as they appeared. No matter how many times you call or text them, you never hear back.
It is awful and leaves you feeling puzzled uncertain and lacking confidence as there is no finish and no closure to something that you felt was relationship that held promise.
If it is any consulation it is something that happens to everyone and is perhaps the biggest unexplained mystery of all.
This behaviour has been called ghosting. That’s because the ghost dater disappears like a puff of smoke and you are always left wondering what happened. Did they meet someone else? Get back with an ex? Drop down dead? Get abducted by aliens? All these thoughts rush through your head as you cling to the hope that they are just really busy.
The possibility that they are just not into you has to be considered and that can hurt.
You have to realise that there is only one simple reason. They changed their mind about you and decided they didn’t want to see you again as a forty plus dater.
So rather than tell you the truth and have to explain themselves, they took the easy way out and cut off all contact. They hope you’ll get the message soon enough when they don’t reply. In their heads, this is better than hurting your feelings and means there won’t be any arguments. The reality is that it is a cowardly and selfish way to end a dating relationship even it is just a few messages old or only two dates and no solus commitment. It is just good manners to draw an end to the communication with communication rather than silence and ignoring them.
Ghosting is unfair and confusing and frustrating. It doesn’t allow closure and all your hopes are dashed and you have no idea why. If you don’t have answers then you can’t improve or do things differently the next time. It’s really not a good situation to be in.
If we are forty plus dating please have a good think about what you might be doing to the other person. Treat mature daters the way you would like to be treated
Ignoring someone is very disrespectful and you need to think how that sort of treatment would make you feel. If you are too cowardly to be honest but empathetic then you you have to also realise that the way you act and treat people could be the way you get treated.
Maybe it is a good thing that they have disappeared as it would appear that they weren’t worth your time and effort anyway
Sarah Hussey xx