When you look online many forty plus people have much better and more exciting lives than you do.
We all feel that we are in a war of comparison and that the competition is pretty intense and lets face it you are lacking in so many areas. Many online forty plus people have better hair and teeth and more money and they certainly go on more exotic and interesting holidays. They have the courage to sky dive and they also don’t have cellulite.
If you are looking at dating profiles and feeling totally inadequate you need to remember that you are comparing there best points with you when you are feeling your worst. You might be skint and have a hangover but at least you are real.
If you feel that you are missing out and that you just don’t make the grade then take heart because most forty plus people who are online, be it face book or online dating feel that they are not matching up online the competition stakes.
This creates the problem that forty plus people post pictures that are 10 years out of date and enhance their life styles to make themselves look more interesting. This is the wrong thing to do as when you meet other forty plus daters and have to admit that your online dating profile is clearly a fake then it makes other forty plus daters feel that you are a liar.
Comparing yourself to others can be obviously detrimental, but so can comparing yourself to previous, idealised versions of yourself. Take the time to really be aware of your body, your internal self, and your environment. Be here now and you won’t be so tempted to wish you were someone or somewhere else.
The basis of comparison is finding what you have that is better or worse or different to someone else. But true happiness comes from finding what you have in common with others and connecting with them,
When we are forty plus and dating we are often our own harshest critics and that can be magnified by comparisons. Combat this instinct by practicing self-kindness. Kindness to yourself and being kind to yourself as important qualities to cultivate.. If you are not harshly judging yourself, then you will be open to positive comparisons, the kind that can inspire hope and spur positive changes in your life.
The issue is when you judge others you’re implicitly judging yourself as well and assuming that others judge you as harshly as you judge them.
Make a list and actually write down things you are grateful for, including material blessings, characteristics about yourself, loved ones, experiences and thoughts. Make it a daily practice and you’ll find your urge to compare is almost entirely extinguished.
Make a point of just trying to be the best forty plus daters that you can possibly be which includes being kind to others and to yourself.
Sarah Hussey xx