When dating a divorced forty plus single, they will have a past but they are bringing you into their future. By the time we are forty plus we all have past relationship that we are dealing with. When you’re talking about a divorce the ex could still be in the picture, or they could be long gone and they are still dealing with the break-up or there could be kids.
People who have gone through a divorce bring the maturity they’ve gained from experiences to a relationship and may see the world a different way than you. Maintaining an open mind and being understanding is key to having a successful relationship with such a forty plus divorced person.
If you’ve fallen for a divorcee, here are some ideas that might help your relationship to move forward.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of falling for a divorcee that’s in the process of divorcing. “Anyone who is in the process of a divorce is still married, and a woman dating or falling in love with a forty plus person who is just seperated rather than divorced runs the risk of not having his full attention or commitment to developing the relationship or worse, he goes back to his wife,” Stay clear if he’s not divorced.
Like any relationship, you want to know the forty plus person you’re with well before taking any big steps. When dating a divorcee you’re going to want to learn as much as you can about what went wrong in the previous relationship. Why did they end up in the divorce courts? Trying to understand where they are coming from can help you make sure it’s not going to be a repeat with you, but you should also understand that they may still be healing or may simply want to distance themselves from a painful situation.
Do not move forward if they are fighting with or for his ex.
A person who is constantly fighting with their ex is in no emotional space to handle a new relationship. The anger and stress he feels from the tense relationship with their ex-spouse will be transferred to what’s happening with the two of you and will undoubtedly become a topic of conversation in your new growing relationship. “You could easily become an emotional punching bag as they traverses through the process of divorce.
It’s possible there was deception and manipulation in their previous marriage, which can makes it difficult to trust again. Set and manage expectations for the new forty plus relationship.
Make a decision on what you want out of your new relationship and make sure that you both agree with that relationship outcome so that you don’t face disappointment down the line.
Don’t push your date into settling down. If the relationship is worth taking slow with the possibility of you never settling down, stick to it. If that doesn’t align with your life plans, get out.
You’re a different person than his ex-wife, so act that way. Make sure you remain true to yourself and don’t feel that you have to conform to build a relationship. Remember the relationship is a partnership and that your ideals and needs are important too.
We all bring our past into our present relationships. Our experiences, both good and bad, are part of what makes us stronger, smarter people. Being mindful of the past and empathetic towards the journey that you are under taking together. In the end, you could have an amazing relationship, not despite of, but because of his divorce.
Sarah Hussey xx