We all want the first forty plus date to be great; sparks flying from the second your eyes meet and endless, sparkling conversation. That’s the dream, at least when you are online dating.
Unfortunately, dreams don’t always come true. Sometimes two mature people on a date just don’t connect. The conversation is very reserved and a bit hard work.
Maybe your sense of humour is more Sarah Millican, and they’re more Jimmy Carr.
Maybe you’re happy walking your dogs on a weekend and they prefer city breaks or trips away.
Whatever the reason, you need to end the forty plus date graciously and with dignity.
What are the best ways to leave a date, quickly, that’s gone very wrong without offending anyone!
Having a plan for these sort of issues is always a good option. My plan is to always meet for a quick drink on the first date. Make your excuses before you actually agree to meet by saying that you are very busy and that you only have time for a quick drink and if that works out well you can arrange another meeting at a different time.
Always be prepared. You may have been getting on great in your messages, but you never truly know what will happen when you meet the forty plus dater in person. Build time limits into your first date plans. It is always a nice feeling to leave wanting more rather than if the date doesn’t go well feeling that you have committed yourself to an awkward dinner or a film that seems to drag on forever. If the date does go well, you can always propose extending your plans, whether that is at another time or extend the one drink rule to a couple.
Whether you think you’ll need to use it or not, lay the foundations of your date exit strategy from the outset.
Keep details of your need to leave vague and move on to another interesting topic of conversation. If things do not work out and you just don’t click then it is easy to excuse yourself as you have already set the scene that you will be needing to cut the date short. and therefore it is a gracious way of making an exit without causing offence.
You could mention how busy your job is at the moment and that you’ve had to take some work home to finish or perhaps your elderly relative has to be checked up on and that you have this responsibility tonight as your brother/sister is on holiday.If you need to leave your date, checking on your relative is the perfect emergency exit.
If you need to be completely up front and just say that you are not attracted or there just isn’t a spark it can be the harshest and hardest option. Telling someone face-to-face that you don’t like them can be awkward, to say the least. However, you shouldn’t be honest to the point of cruelty. A simple ‘I don’t think this is working for me, sorry’ is perfect. The other alternative is that you feel that you don’t have enough in common is a good option as then you are not making it personal, you are sharing the responsibility.
‘I think we’re looking for different things’
‘Our political beliefs/interests/lifestyles are just too different.
Telling the truth allows your senior single date to know exactly where they stand. They won’t be left trying to decipher an ambiguous excuse and you can leave with dignity.
Whatever way you choose to exit your date, remember that it’s always your choice to leave, whenever you want. You don’t owe anybody your company, so never feel like you’re stuck on a date that makes you feel uncomfortable or you are just struggling through. Your time is important and so are you!
Sarah Hussey xx