Are you happy in your forty plus relationship? Is the dating scene making you happy? Do you feel that you are always the one making the compromises and if there is a disagreement do you back down first?
One way to detect a manipulator is to see if a person acts with different faces in front of different people and in different situations. While all of us have a degree of this type of social differentiation, some psychological manipulators tend to habitually dwell in extremes, being highly polite to one individual and completely rude and controlling when in private with a forty plus partner.
Are you in a relationship with a forty plus dater who is totally helpless one moment and fiercely aggressive the next?
When you observe this type of behavior from a forty plus individual on a regular basis, keep a healthy distance, and avoid a relationship with this forty plus dater..
Avoid this kind of complex twisting and turning in a personality and don’t take their behaviour personally and do not take any blame for their manipulation and attempt to control.
A forty plus manipulator’s agenda is to look for and exploit your weaknesses, it is understandable that you may feel inadequate, or even blame yourself for not satisfying the manipulating forty plus partner. In these situations, it’s important to remember that you are not the problem; you’re simply being manipulated to feel bad about yourself, so that you’re more likely to surrender your power and rights. Consider your relationship with this forty plus partner as they are unlikely to make you happy as that is not their goal or desire.
Consider the requirements that are a basic needs and desires in a forty plus relationship. Being treated with genuine respect if your expectations are reasonable, are you being met with demands and expectations that are critical, demeaning and unreasonable. Do you feel good about yourself in this relationship or do you feel that you are giving your all and getting nothing back.
Your answers to these questions give you important clues about whether the “problem” in the relationship is with you or the other forty plus person, who makes up this relationship.
Perhaps voicing your forty plus partner some searching questions such as `Does this seem reasonable and fair to you?” or `Do I have a say in this?” and even “Are you asking me or telling me?” waiting to see what the replies are and if it makes them stop and think about their actions or demands. True manipulators will dismiss your questions and insist on getting their way. This will clarify your mindset and also give you the true value of the forty plus relationship.
Giving yourself space and time to consider the options and not allowing yourself to be pressurised is a good option and will give you back the power and the control. It will also clear your head and enable you to think clearly about all the different options that you have, like ending the bad relationship and finding a more equal forty plus relationship.
Sarah Hussey xx